


Love Is A Liars Game

by lieforfun



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: BDSM, Frank is an unrecognized musician, Gerard is a rich comic book artist, M/M, Strong Language, Transgender Characters, explicit content in further chapters, my chem never existed, sub frank/dom gerard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-03-30 20:07:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3950008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lieforfun/pseuds/lieforfun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In my neutral black and white life, everything was perfectly fine.<br/>Until a man named Gerard Way showed up and basically threw neon paint at it.</p><p> </p><p>No longer on hiatus :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. They Met

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for not posting lately, but this is what I have been working on. I have made over 6 chapters for it so I could be able to post on time and there would be no fuss for more chapters. Frank tells the story of how Gerard and him met and fell in love.

This is the story of how I fell in love. No reading in between the lines, just everything that happened truthfully. I'll tell it to you and maybe pitch in every once in a while with a thought or something or if Gee pipes up. So, here we go I guess.   
A few years ago there was this park. I had been going there ever since I moved to Jersey with a couple of my buddies. I found that if you walked further than the trail led, far away from civilization, there was this secluded little pond. It was gorgeous; plants everywhere, animals sometimes came and went. It was a perfect place to just go and clear my mind. After a couple of weeks I decided to bring my guitar and notebook. I found that not only it was a good place to think, it was ideal for song writing as well. I'm sure I looked pretty ridiculous carrying a guitar with me through the trails, but it was all worth it.   
Finally after a couple of months of going there, I had once again brought my beloved acoustic guitar to try and write a slower song. Something that would boggle the mind of the listener. Something heartfelt and tear jerking, different than the angry hard music I usually wrote. But when I got there, I noticed something different about my sanctuary. It was quieter than usual. I spotted someone already in my usual spot and I groaned. I looked around and tried to figure out what to do; there was no way in hell I was leaving so soon. I had walked all the way down here, I was going to write this song, dammit! Plus I knew it was going to rain soon but I was still going to get something done.   
I moved closer to my usual spot. The stranger was quite obviously seen, with his firetruck red hair pulled up in a bun, white shirt and neon green jeans. He was drawing, I noticed. Admirable, but he was still in my damn spot.   
"Hey." I said as I came within arms reach. He jumped about three inches and whipped his head around to look at me. I stood next to him but I just stared at the pond. "You know it's gonna rain soon, right?"   
The red haired man just looked at his drawing, then at the pond. "Yeah. But I needed a break, ya know?"   
I nodded. "Yeah. That's why I came down here too."   
There was silence for a long minute.   
"I don't mind if you play here." The red haired man said. "I mean, there's enough pond for the both of us, don't ya think?"   
I guess so, I thought. Normally I'd be scared to let someone hear my music. It was an intimate action to let someone hear my thoughts and my expressions. But I didn't think I'd ever see him again. And for some reason I could sense that he wouldn't mind hearing them.  
I sat down and pulled my guitar out of it's case. And after making sure it was properly tuned, I began to play.   
If I faced my fears would my sky be all but clear?   
Probably not  
Then again, I've always kept my doubts so close to my heart   
That these frames trapped all my better days   
They stay frozen and unscathed  
Though I've traveled far, been back to the start  
And I found some scars in places I have not shown, to anyone  
I don't know why it took so long to get back home  
I stopped, grabbing my pencil and jotting down some lines. The red haired man had stopped sketching and was now staring blankly at the half finished picture of a futuristic looking gun.   
"Are you gonna finish that?" I asked, as if I was talking to him about a meal he had left unfinished.   
"Oh, yeah. I think. I don't know." The red haired man flipped the page over and started anew. "That was amazing, ya know. Have you ever thought about recording?"   
I nodded. "I have to pay for the supplies myself. It's too expensive to get my songs professionally recorded."   
"I see."   
"What about you?" I asked. "Is drawing part of your job or is it more of a hobby?"   
He brushed his longish red hair behind his ears before glancing up at me. "It's actually part of my job. I'm a comic book writer."   
I squinted at the pond. His outlandish appearance made sense now. "Sounds fulfilling." He grinned.   
"It is when you get to do what you love."   
I smiled at that. "I have to say I'm kind of jealous. I wish I could support myself doing what I love."   
"What do you do for a living?" He seemed genuinely interested, his full attention on me, his eyes sparkling like he'd just found a new creature to draw or a good book to read.   
"Don't laugh. I have like 4 jobs cause minimum wage is a pain in the ass." I admitted.   
He laughed. "I can vouch for that."   
We talked like that for the rest of the time we were there. We talked about everything and anything. We talked about our siblings, about relationships, art, books, songs that I've already written, etc.   
"I like how you can put your emotions into words." He had said. "I was never able to do that well. It always went into my art."   
"I don't know where I'd be without words." I said. Then I laughed at how ridiculous that sounded. "I mean, I had already tried drawing or painting as an outlet. But it never clicked with me. Music was my passion and always will be. Words will always be a part of me."   
He smiled.   
And suddenly, a loud noise started up, sounding like the pitter-patter of millions of tiny feet. We looked at each other, scared. The rain started on one side of the late and moved across it like an army. The red haired man cried out as the rain fell over him and his sketchbook; hurriedly closed it and threw it in his bag. As soon as I realized the tiny feet were the rain, I panicked and put my guitar back in her case, along with the notebook and closed it. "Let's get out of here!"   
We ran through the trails, getting thoroughly soaked because of the long way we had to go. The rain didn't let up as we dashed through the mud, it only got harder and harder. The red haired man held the bag with his sketchbook to his chest, as if it were his lifeline. I just looked absolutely ridiculous running with my guitar. We both kept glancing at each other with these huge grins on our faces cause we knew no matter how much we ran we were still screwed.   
We got to the parking lot and I raced to my car, throwing open the trunk and tossing my guitar inside. When I closed it, I looked back at the red haired man. He stood at the sidewalk, still holding his bag to his chest. "What are you doing?" I yelled at over the noise.   
"I walked here!" He yelled back. I rolled my eyes.   
"Get over here."   
He jumped into the passengers seat as I was buckling my seat belt. We looked at each other and just burst into laughter. 

The ride was filled with smiles and words and just general happiness. Gerard was a beaming light, with red dye streaking down his neck from the rain, his eyes sparkling as he spoke. I guess that's when I realized I needed him in my life.  
I drove him to his apartment, laughing at some shitty joke he had probably gotten from the internet. But suddenly, all the laughter and playfulness had to stop because-  
"Well, this is my apartment." The red haired man said, seeming kind of sad for our encounter to end. I was still half smiling; so was he, with his mouth crooked up in this cute little half grin.   
I glanced at him and met his eyes, his bright beautiful green eyes and suddenly his lips were on mine and we were kissing. In reality, it was probably only a few seconds but in my head it seemed like forever. His soft lips were touching my chapped ones and that was all that mattered in that moment. But all too soon they were gone, and he was needlessly babbling.   
"I'm so sorry." He exclaimed, his hands going to tug a bit on his hair. "I wasn't thinking. I don't even know if you're into guys. Fuck, I'm sorry-"   
"I don't know your name." I said, grabbing his arm so he wouldn't leave. At that moment, I noticed that the rain had stopped and the silence was nearly deafening in the few seconds before he spoke again. "It's Gerard."   
Time went back to normal, but I rushed to get into the dashboard of my car to get the sticky notes I kept in there. I reached into my pocket to pull out a sharpie and wrote my name and phone number on the little piece of paper, then handed it to Gerard.   
"Call me the next time you plan on heading out to the pond again. Or just if you wanna go to a coffee shop or something. Or maybe you just wanna make out again."   
He blushed. "I'll keep that in mind... Frank." He then hopped out of my car and disappeared into the building in front of us.


	2. The Text

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters will be put up every weekend. Thanks for reading!

Over the course of the next few days, something had changed in me, like the way I spoke or acted. I noticed more things. The color of someone's eyebrows compared to their hair color, or the designs on the couch in my studio apartment, or sounds coming from one direction or another. Before, black and white stood out to me the most, but now usually unnoticed colors popped into my brain rather than black suits or gray clothes. It was like I carried Gerard wherever I went.   
I found myself pondering about him on my way to work. I thought about his eyes and the little slivers of hazel that leaked into the green and brown. And that damn hair. I wondered how it looked when it wasn't pulled up or drenched in rain. Was it soft? Did he wash it since last night? What about his mouth? Did he give that cute little half grin to everyone, or was I lucky to have ever seen it?   
I pulled into the Starbucks that I worked at and parked my car in the lot next to it. I went inside the little coffee shop, unsurprised at the large amount of customers. Saturday was always packed with people bringing their friends/dates for drinks, or students coming with with their laptops for a bit of study time.   
I walked up behind the counter and grabbed my apron. Ray, one the people I worked with, immediately went up to ask me something, but what came out was a bit different than he probably intended. "Hey do you have- you got laid!"   
My face immediately became bright red. "No!"   
"You got to second base."   
"Oh my god, no."   
"You went on a date."   
Uh, maybe. Sort of. "Not really."   
"Then why are you so heart-eyed?"   
"I'm not." I began to tie my apron around my waist to try and get out of speaking to my coworker. "Go make a damn latte or something."   
"But you're happy for once!" Ray exclaimed, following me to the back where we kept the flavor bottles. "I need to send this person flowers or chocolate or something."   
"Shut up. I'm not always pissed off." I said grumpily.   
Ray laughed and continued to go take orders at the front booth with Bunny, the girl we both worked with. Nobody knew her real name, but we knew she was trans female so we respected her wishes to be called Bunny.   
As I worked thoughts of Gerard once again swarmed my head, and I walked around with a tiny smile on my face. How did someone even manage to do this to me? Me, hardcore punk kid who was still figuring out his own life. Speaking of figuring out my own life, I should probably tell you a little bit about me. But since this is about me and Gerard, I'll keep it simple.   
I had known I was gay from the start, I guess. When the guys in school talked about 'hot girls' I had been continuing to go through my 'girls are gross' phase even into my teenage years, far past when puberty hit and I was supposed to start liking girls. But I never did. I did actually begin to experience weird feelings around some of my male friends. I began to research this because it was starting to get in the way of my education and my relationships. I found the LGBTQ community where I realized I was gay and I was accepted immediately. I lost the people that were toxic to me, and I made new friends like Ray and Bunny. My mother accepting, much to my surprise. But my after my parents divorced my father didn't want anything to do with me. I never let the fact that I was gay get in my way. I continued to play guitar and go through bands as I pleased, and I had a few boyfriends in between, but when I moved out I had to put my health in front of my music, unfortunately. Despite this I still got as many gigs that I could in between jobs because no matter what music would always be part of my life. So I made what I could up until now. I'm kind of normal anyway, I still have Christmas with my mom, I usually eat dinner at home in my apartment. But in the last two years I haven't had a stable relationship. I guess I never have time for one, and when we break up neither of us really had a good time anyway. I guess I just quit. That is, until now.   
I had never been more attracted to another person until I met Gerard. I mean, I'd known him for only a day but I felt like we instantly clicked. Gerard seem so happy when I met him, always smiling, always speaking well of the people he loved. I could almost see the light sprinkles of freckles staining the other man's face.  
By the time my shift was over, it was 12:42, meaning I had 18 minutes to get myself a gig before I started my shift at Kroger. I drove around a little bit, trying to find a place that looked like it might have live entertainment. When I found one, I was pleased with the outcome. It was a dainty little place called 'Cupbearers.' A nice joint, you could order coffee with your steak and no one would give two shits. I ran inside to schedule a date and then headed off to Kroger. 

The next day I received a text from Gerard. I had honestly started to lose hope, that Gerard would just brush off our encounter and forget about me. But that was not the case, it seemed. I had almost squealed when I read the text. (But that's between you and me.)  
Hey! :) It's Gee  
Heyo!   
What day do you have off? I wanna take you somewhere   
I ran to check my schedule, nearly tripping over my tripod in the process. Thursday evening would be best  
Perfect. There's this fancy little place my brother owns, it's called Cupbearers. They have this fabulous thing called bubble tea, I wanna be there when you try it ;)  
I know exactly where you're talking about. I've never been though, I'm excited!   
Great! I'll meet you at 2:00. See you there!   
I turned off my phone screen and collapsed onto my bed, covering my eyes with the sleeves of my shirt, smiling so hard my face hurt.


	3. The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date

Thursday was a long one. The date was at 2:00, but the time didn't seem to go fast enough. It was 12:28 and I was bored out of my mind. In times like these I was known to do stupid things that might injure me in the process. Like that time I walked around a dirt road and ended up in someone's backyard, or when I tried to do the knife song and went to the ER. This time I was just lying in bed on my back, not doing anything remotely dangerous, just hugging my arms to my chest. I sang the scales over and over and while thoughts of how the upcoming date might go flooded through my head.   
We could meet up and have a good time, realize we weren't right for each other, go our seprate ways. Or we could meet up and I could fall hopelessly in love (likely) and he could decide I wasn't worth his time (also likely) and I could go home with a broken heart and get on with my life. My favorite scenario was when we meet up and actually did start dating; I relived that one again and again. That was my hope for the product of my time with Gerard.   
I began to think of Gerard again, a thought that seemed to run through my mind constantly. I thought of his kiss and again, I was confused. I had thought about it before but I never came up with an answer as to why he did it.   
Did he plan it? Was it on a whim? What if he was used to kissing someone before he went home, and forgot that he wasn't with that person? That thought depressed me a bit.   
All the sudden, it was 1:30 and I was jumping out of bed and getting dressed to leave. I pulled on a white short sleeve shirt that kind of showed off my tattoos, along with black jeans that had been shoved to the back of my dresser. I didn't generally wear a lot of black, I knew I was deemed attractive in it. I had been told before by others (Bunny, past boyfriends, etc.) So when I went somewhere fancy, or on a date I would wear a lot of black. And I would absolutely love to tell you that "I'm a twenty year old man, I don't wear makeup!" But that would be me lying straight to your face, or screen, or whatever. To this day, I still wear eyeliner and I don't think that will be stopping anytime soon. I combed through my hair with my fingers and applied eyeliner and concealer where I felt it was needed. By the time I finished it was 1:45 and time to leave. 

When I got there, it was 1:59 and honestly, I was terrified of being late. I looked around the parking lot; it didn't look any different than a normal parking lot, there wasn't a random car that looked like paint had been thrown at it. Which was basically what I expected. But no such thing was found. He did say his brother worked here, so maybe he hitched a ride with said brother.   
I couldn't help a tiny grin as I pushed through the doors, letting the sound of people's conversations smother my ever screaming thoughts. I looked around, noticing the art covering the walls and the shelves as I walked. Paintings and drawings scattered everywhere, and I wondered if maybe some of them were Gerard's.   
I saw Gerard's firetruck red hair once again pulled up in a tiny ponytail, with small thin strands framing his face. He had that green lime green bag that held his sketchbook. He was talking to a blonde man over the counter, obviously intrigued by what he had to say. He actually looked kind of concerned, anxiously pushing his bangs behind his ears, talking vigorously through the corner of his mouth.   
Someone pushed by me muttering "excuse me" under their breath. I realized suddenly that I was standing stock still in the middle of the diner, stuck in my damn thoughts again. I took in a deep, shuttering breath, and moved forward.   
"Hey, Gerard." I said, poking his back. He jumped, turning around and getting this huge grin on his face.   
"Frank!" He exclaimed. He looked like he was about pull me in for a hug, but I jumped back in fear of being touched. I smacked into a table right behind me and tripped over the legs, ending up on my ass. So much for smooth.   
Gerard looked horrified at his work and immediately went to help me off the floor. I accepted his hand and got to my feet.   
"Are you okay?" Gerard asked cautiously. I decided that worry was not a good look on him. "I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you?"   
"No no, it's my own fault." I was acutely aware of everyone staring at the short punk who just made a fool of himself. Concerned eyes danced over me and I could feel my throat begin to close up. My head spun like a top and I knew that I was making too big a deal out of it but I couldn't seem to stop it.   
"Hey, aren't you the guy that's supposed to play on Saturday?"   
I internally thanked the blonde guy -Gerard's brother, I presumed- for sucking me back into reality.  
"Uh, yeah." Color flooded back to my face as I nodded. All the stares disappeared and I was grateful.   
"What kind of stuff do you play?" He continued and set his elbows on the counter.   
"All kinds." I replied, running a hand through my short hair. I'll be playing a lot of alternative on Saturday though."  
He nodded and turned to Gerard. "I approve." He went back to work at the call of one of his coworkers, and I could hear Gerard whisper "Mikey please," while blushing and staring at ground. He was cute when he was concentrating.   
"I'm sorry." He finally said. "I should have known not everyone likes hugs."  
I squirmed a bit. "It's not that I hate them. I'm just uncomfortable when in public- it's kind of an intimate thing to me."   
He nodded, assured that it wasn't just him. "Let's go sit down. We look awkward just standing here."   
I followed him to a small table meant for two people by the window. We sat, and suddenly it hit me that I hadn't rehearsed anything to say. I panicked for minute and the silence was thick in the air between us. The noise of the diner was overwhelming. I crossed my arms and set my elbows on the table.   
Gerard began to speak. "I thought that maybe you'd like to see something that I've started working on."   
Anything to keep him talking.   
He pulled out his sketchbook from his bag and set it on the table. He flipped through the pages with his bottom lip caught in between his teeth. He found the page he wanted and pushed it my way. "It's only a few panels, but it's what I've got. Kind of a midnight crisis idea."   
My eyes glanced over the page. I remember it showing the descriptions of two characters, strange names like 'Fun Ghoul' or 'Party Poison.' Poison had Gerard's hair, but the character kept it down and flowing, tucked behind the small yellow mask covering his eyes. Ghoul had long black hair, but it was mostly covered by a mask that enveloped his whole head. The art was amazing and the designs were unbelievable.   
"Gerard, these are amazing!" I said, finally ripping my eyes from the page to focus on the artist. "I'm utterly speechless." I didn't think his face could get more red.   
"It's not anything special." He assured me. "It's just an idea right now."   
I set the sketch pad on the table. "You should definitely continue this. It's so creative, only you could think of this." I was getting ahead of myself.   
I remember we talked more about this panel, we tossed ideas at each other, created something of a plot for this little project. I had not only taken this on as a plan, but I was determined to win Gerard's approval. I'm not some punk kid he could leave behind after a fun time.   
At the time that Gerard and I met, I know I was really insecure. He still helps me with this today.   
We worked on his panels a bit. He drew what he thought sounded good, I tried to help design the plot. In the end we had three new characters and a villain. I felt pretty proud of us, and Gerard looked ecstatic.   
After an hour or so Mikey came by to see if we wanted something. We both got black coffee and continued to talk. I don't remember much about what else we spoke about, but I think we learned almost everything we could about each other that night. And yes, I say night, because to our embarrassment, we had stayed until 6. At this time, Mikey had to kick us out for hogging the table. Good anyway, a walk sounded like heaven after doing all that sitting. We figured it would be better if we left our stuff in my car, so we didn't have to drag it along; meaning Gerard's bag with his art.   
We walked around the dozens of strip malls around, talking and exploring store's we'd never been to. We went inside a music store and I bought some picks. I'd never been to one with jewelry but there was a rack of leather necklaces inside one store. I bought one with a red pick attached that reminded me of Gee's hair.   
Right next to the music store, there was a Wiccan store that Gee said had a certain pen that he was looking for. While inside, he immediately went for those; I on the other hand, entertained myself with magazines in the front that featured tattoos. However it wasn't the magazines that held my attention.   
"You love him." The woman at the counter predicted, quietly so Gee wouldn't hear. I opened my mouth to deny it but she shushed me. "I can see your aura. It's all purple around him. And, you can't keep your eyes off him."  
"Don't tell him." I said, my eyes scanning the other man as she grinned. "I don't want to scare him off. And it's only a really strong liking."   
"Sure."   
Gerard came back with the colors he wanted. I insisted on paying for them despite his incessant thank you's and you don't have to's.   
On our way out, when I held the door open for Gee, I caught the woman wink at me. I scowled at her and let the door slam behind us.   
"Are you having a good time?" Gerard asked once we were far, far away from that damned store.   
"I'm having a wonderful time." I replied with a smile. "This is amazing."   
He was smiling too. "Would you mind if I did something real fast?"   
"Uh, sure. What?"   
He grabbed my hand and held on to it. I didn't think I had blushed as much as I did then since high school, when I had been a dumb hormonal teenager.   
We began to walk back to the diner, our hands entwined and swinging in time with our feet.


	4. The Show: Part 1

I rode that high all of the day afterward, texting Gerard and feeling great. Even Bunny thought I looked happier than I normally did. I managed to get more work done and was put to the counters because I was even more sociable. I felt like I was at the prime of my young life already.   
A only a day after my date (can you even call it that? I mean, I guess he asked me out to a place) I decided to head back to the pond. Not to play my music, but to just sit for a little while and watch the pond and everything in it. I knew that it would probably screw up my thoughts more than they already were, but I was sick of all the noise and buzz of the city, and I knew I had my gig the next day. I brought a pack of cigarettes with me so I had something to do with my hands.   
I walked through the trails and watched the familiar trees glide by as I stepped rhythmically onto the dirt trail. I hummed the chorus of Walk by The Foo Fighters and began to let my internal voices wash over me.  
But before I got too far into hypnosis I heard a twig snap behind me. I whirled around, looking to see if someone had followed me (even though that was highly unlikely as I was about a mile and a half away from the park.)   
After a minute of waiting and seeing nothing, I shrugged it off and continued on my merry way.   
I got to my sanctuary and looked around; since meeting Gerard I realized that other people might know about this place as well. But thankfully no one was there other than me.   
I sank down in front of a tree and pulled out a cigarette. 

I sat there for about an hour and smoked the rest of the pack. Watching the pond was so calming and helpful and I was glad to have this place to go to when I needed it. As I began to leave I heard a big crack come from the tree behind me and fear jolted through my spine. Upon spinning around to see what had happened, a large branch from near the top of the tree began it's descent down to over my head.   
I jumped out of the way as it fell to the dirt. I felt shock set in and my heart beat faster. Something was there, and whether it was human or not I was still scared out of my mind.   
"Hello?" I called out tentatively. No answer.   
My heart raced so hard I felt like it would jump out of my chest. That is, until a cute little motherfucking squirrel popped out and I nearly face palmed so hard that I broke my nose. All that worry for no fucking reason.   
I decided to get out of there because, you know, safety hazards and all that. Half way back up the trail I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I eyed the nearest squirrel with the glare of a thousand daggers before looking to see who the caller was.   
"Hey, Gee." I said as I walked.   
"Hi Frankie." I heard him say and I totally did not blush, not even a little bit.   
"How's it going?" I asked casually. I was not expecting the answer that I got.   
"I'm kinda drunk and I really really wanna paint you." His words jumped out of his mouth like he'd been keeping them in for years. (Gerard didn't want me to put this part in, but I was convinced that it was a large part of our history, his little fuck up before he got sober.)  
I had sputtered for a moment. "Gerard...I...I don't know what to tell you."   
"Please, Frankie?" He whined- he actually whined like a five year old being refused a piece of candy. "I wanna see your face instead of just dream about it. You're too far away all the time."   
Okay. Wow. He...He dreamed about me? "Why would you want to paint me?" I asked, feeling way too awkward in my unwashed jeans and too big Cure tee shirt.   
"Because you look like the sun and I'm a blind man desperate to see." He responded quickly, as if he had thought about this before.   
I actually had to hold in a laugh. "Do you really want me there or are you just drunk?"   
"Mmn...50-50." He said with a sigh.   
"I'm hanging up now."   
"No wait!" I heard a loud thump and the sound of breaking glass. "Shit."   
"Gee?" I asked, slightly concerned. "Gerard? Are you okay?"   
"Please Frank." He begged, sounding muffled.   
I already had met the bright, hazel eyes and I knew he could chew me up and spit me out with them. "Okay. Fine. I can't come over." I heard him whine impatiently. "But I can send a picture of myself over text."   
"Oh thank you! I'm going to spend hours on it. I'll make it perfect, I promise!"   
Normally I would feel weird about the words he blurted out, but instead it made me feel confident with this warmth tightening in my chest. "Okay, Gee. I can't wait to see it." I said with a smile on my face. I heard him giggle a bit before he hung up.   
I sent him the best damn photo I had of myself. 

The next day I debated texting Gerard about the day before, but in the end I just sent him a quick hello before heading off to work. Today was the day of my gig and I was feeling jittery even though I had done this a million times. I think it was just the fact that I knew Gerard was coming that made my stomach tie into knots.   
And of course, a couple hours later he responded in the middle of my shift, so I couldn't answer him with my hands full of coffee. And by the time that I had finished I had totally forgotten my phone in the middle of getting my guitar and shit together. Once in the car I found I had five minutes so I decided to check my phone. 

Gee (11:34)am  
Hey, sorry about last night. 

Gee (12:05)pm  
How's your day going? 

Gee (2:28)pm  
I don't want to sound needy, but are you ignoring me? 

Gee (3:40)pm  
Was it something I said last night? 

Gee (4:01)pm  
Can I still come to your show? Mikey's going to be there...

Gee (4:20)pm   
It just occurred to me that you're probably at work. I'll see you at CB haha 

I frowned at his words, not knowing whether to laugh or to feel sorry for him. 

Me (6:57)pm  
I'm really sorry for not getting your messages. I was at work, yeah. I can't wait to see you :) 

I hoped that would be enough, for now. 


	5. The Show: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS I had to change computers cause my laptop broke so please don't be mad at me I tried  
> PPS last chapter before smutty smut

I got there at 7:15, like I had planned. I set up all my equipment, like I usually did before I went in to tell the owners that I was there and ready. I set out the set list so people could see what I planned to play and/or request a song. I had a good two or three pages of songs so I felt that I was okay in that area.   
I went to tell Mike that I was ready and saw Gerard lift his head from his book as the bell dinged when I walked in. He smiled profoundly and jumped off his seat to meet me halfway.   
"Hi!" He exclaimed, wringing his hands through each other nervously.   
"Hey Gee. Listen, I'm sorry about the texts-"  
"Don't worry about it. I overreacted." His smile covered up the way he spoke too soft.   
I frowned but continued our conversation for a few minutes, asking about how we've been and what we've been doing, how was work or how is the comic was going. Mikey ended up getting Gerard to take over while he yelled at one of his employees, so that was when I decided it was time to head off.  
I played a lot of popular songs, songs that people would like. But once I brought out the Green Day songs everyone was getting into it. I was asked to play a few pop songs, just like I figured. But altogether it was a great gig.   
Afterward, as I was getting everything packed up, there weren't very many people. Just a few that sat around and talked over ice cream or a coffee. I didn't see Gerard around after the gig but I had seen him smiling at me through the crowd while I played. I guessed that's what I got for the time being.   
As I began to put my guitar in my trunk, I felt someone tap my shoulder. I spun around to meet the eyes of a fairly attractive man, with hair about shoulder length and freckles dotting his face. He stuck his hands in his pockets and had a nice smile.   
"Hi, I'm Bert. You did really well." His eyes sparkled. "I really like your playing style."   
I figured he wasn't a threat. "Thanks! Uh, I'm Frank. I really appreciate feedback; most people just sit around and eat." I laughed.   
He pointed at my guitar. "What's her name?"   
I grinned, feeling awesome because I got to brag about my baby. "Ibanez from the Roadstar 2nd series. The last of her kind."   
He motioned to ask if he could hold her, and I handed her over. He held her up with both hands and judged her weight for a moment. "She has a nice feel." He handed her back and I put her in her case. "How long have you been playing?"   
"Pretty much my whole life." I replied awkwardly, my hand going to rub the back of my neck. "Do you play?"   
He nodded. "I play mostly bass. I'm in a band at the moment, we just finished recording our third album."   
"Wow!"   
"We are actually looking for someone who can write songs, we're all kind of shit at it." He laughed.   
"I've been told I'm pretty good at it."  
"And you don't sound half bad either." He grinned and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, digging around for something. "Why don't you call me if you want to play some bigger places instead of coffee shops," He said, handing me a card. "Or, just call me if you ever wanna go out for drinks or something." He winked at me and walked off. I'll admit I did check out the way his hips kind of swayed in his tight jeans.   
Almost immediately I felt guilt swamp my mind as thoughts of Gerard crossed it. I looked down at the card.  
THE USED  
Playing from the broken heart  
There was a number on the back. I pursed my lips. He was asking me to write for them? Like, an actual legit band that didn't practice in a garage? What the hell. How did that happen to me?  
I stuffed the card into my pocket and walked back to the shop. I felt like a coffee was needed for a situation like this, regardless of the fact that it was midnight thirty. But once I got there, I saw Gerard sitting at a table in the corner with two drinks, staring at me with an infuriated glint in his eyes, his pinkish bangs that loosened themselves from his bun and hung in his face. I swallowed the lump in my throat. 

 

"You need some help?" I heard a voice call over to me.   
I had been standing outside my car for over fifteen minutes, just staring into the space that I couldn't get into. I had locked my keys in the trunk when I was with Bert, not paying attention and throwing them in the guitar case. I just realized how stupid I actually was at that moment.   
I turned to see the person who the voice belonged to, the person being Mikey He had a lime green bag slung over his shoulder, and his dyed blond hair was pushed back and held in place with a clip. He squinted at me through the darkness and began to laugh at my slumped form.   
"You locked yourself out." He said as if he could read my mind. I nodded pathetically. Just a few feet behind Mikey stood an angry hunched over Gerard, still glowering in his self pity. I hoped that I would get the chance to explain myself. As luck would have it, I would get the chance that night.   
"Come on, we'll take you home." Mikey said, waving me over towards him.   
"I thought Gerard didn't have a car..." I said lamely once I began walking with them.   
"No, but I do." We reached a silver Toyota Camry with a bumper sticker on the back that said "eat dick." I guess that tells you a little about Mikey’s personality. I pushed into the backseat and Gerard got into the passenger side. Mikey threw his bag at my lap and jumped in.   
"Mikey?" I asked timidly as he started the car. "My house keys are in my car too."   
"You can't get into your house?"   
"Yeah."   
"No problem. You'll stay with us." I saw Gerard whip his head to the left and glare at his brother, but the red headed man said nothing.   
"I can't...Just impose..." I tried, but Mikey just shook his head.   
"Nah, man. My brother may be a douche bag but I swear I'm not. Besides, we have a pretty sweet couch. You don't wanna miss out on that."  
My face was red as I looked at the hilarity of the situation, but I didn't laugh because Gerard wasn't happy. Was he really angry about the scene with Bert? I mean, I didn't insinuate it, but I did talk to him...What was I thinking? I could talk to other guys! He didn't own me. But somehow I still felt like I had fucked up what we had.   
Watching Gerard stare out of the car, I could actually feel the window melting under his heated glare. I wrung my hands and watched the trees glide by.

The fact that I had been to his house before did not make up for the awkwardness. Gerard had stormed inside the moment the car stopped. Mikey ignored his brother and was so nice to me, even though I didn't deserve it. Mikey talked to me on way inside their house and helped me get the couch set up to sleep in.   
"You know he's not really mad at you, right?" Mikey told me as he handed me a few blankets.   
"Then why is he like this?"   
"I have a feeling this was caused by a guy who goes by the name of Bert McCracken," Mikey replied, disgust evident in his voice. "I thought I saw him earlier and I knew Gerard would be upset. Bert is uh, an ex, of Gerard’s."   
And it all came crashing down. My chest began to ache and tears pricked at my eyes. It made sense now.   
"I'll tell you something, Frank, cause I like you. And it's obvious you like my brother, and I know he's crazy about you." Mikey chewed his lip for a second. "Gerard is protective. No, more like obsessive. He can be an absolute asshole when he's fine, or he can be the sweetest person alive when he's pissed. And since him and Bert broke up, he's been pissed off. I don't know what happened tonight to make him upset, but don't blame yourself. When he's ready he'll talk to you."   
"Thanks Mikey, I uh, don't know what to say." I whispered and sat down on the couch. He patted my shoulder.   
"You don't need to say anything. I'll call a lock smith first thing in the morning, but you need to sleep." I nodded.   
He left to go down a hall and lied down on the couch. He was right about one thing. This is a pretty sweet couch. 

My eyes felt like they were glued shut. My wrist was completely numb. And my nose fucking itched.   
I managed to split one eye open and felt a man-made light blister through my cornea, along with the sound of glasses being pushed around against each other. My throat began to coat itself in old nasty saliva at the noise, letting me know I needed water immediately, and by the sound of it, I knew someone else was in the kitchen.   
I forced my other eye open as well as my body up as quietly as possible, as to not disturb the other person in the kitchen. My ears rang and and my head pounded and my wrist buzzed and my chest ached.  
The kitchen light coming from the cracks around the kitchen door hurt my eyes, but I pushed the cheap wood harshly as I stepped inside onto the cold stone floor and found the red haired menace that was very possibly the love of my life.   
He was sitting cross legged on the stool by the table, nursing a tall glass of water and reading a magazine. His hair was matted and stuck to the left side of his face and his eyes were wide and probably blurry, and he sat there in an oversize batman hoodie and shorts that barely covered his ass, fucking adorable as always. When he heard the squeak of me opening the kitchen door he looked up alarmed, but squinted his eyes at me the moment he realized who I was.   
He returned to his magazine and I began to clink around the kitchen looking a glass. I found one and filled it up with sink water, because I didn't know if they had water from their fridge like some people did so I just did it to be safe. Once I was done I went to sit at the table with him.   
He didn't look at me.   
I sipped my water slowly, drumming my fingers on the table. After a receiving a sharp glance from him I stopped.   
Minutes passed and my water quantity became less and less as I became more and more anxious. Finally, I cleared my throat.   
"What are you reading?" I asked, my voice rusty from disuse.   
He gave me a strange look. "Kerang."   
"Ah."   
Silence.   
"Uh, how's True Lives going?"   
"Fine."   
I wanted to scream. I was trying to have a conversation and he was just not having it. Fine, then I'll come up with questions that can't be answered in one word.   
"Why did you and Bert break up?"   
He shut the magazine and slapped it on the table, nearly pushing his glass off onto the floor. "Dammit, Frank. Why can't you mind your own business?"   
I was shocked but I set my jaw, glaring and waiting for his answer.   
He sighed, pushing his hair back and looking anywhere but at me. "Bert didn't want to settle down. He wanted everything that I couldn't give to him. He decided to go behind my back instead of telling me that we weren't working." Gerard pursed his lips. "He wasn't good for me, and he isn't good for anyone." He sent me a look that sent chills down my spine. "Especially not you."   
I knew I shouldn't, but I did anyway. "Why not me?"   
"Because you're mine." 


	6. The Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut

He held me up against the beige wall of the kitchen, pressing his rough lips against mine, tongue and teeth clashing. He held my wrists above my head and had a fistful of my hair in the other hand. He kissed and licked until I had to pull away for breath, and he continued to onslought my face and neck, but added biting into the mix. He ground up against my hips and shoved a knee between my legs.   
The events adding up to this little endeaver were kind of strange. After he told me I was his, I became enraged. "No." I had said angrily. "I'm not yours, are you crazy?"  
"I know I'm mentally ill, Frank. Do you really need to bring that up?"   
"You don't own me! I can go out with anyone I want to!"   
"Then why don't you?" He got to his feet in a hurry, his hands closing into fists .   
I waved my hand around exasperatedly. "I mean...we just. God, we haven't even kissed yet."   
He smirked, crossing the small distance between us and grabbed my wrist. "Let me fix that then."   
One thing led to another and he was slipping his thigh back and forth between my legs, ripping little meals from my throat as he licked and sucked bruises into my skin. Hey, at least he's not mad at me anymore.   
He let go of my hair and I let out a whine at the loss. I was teased further when he ran a few fingers down my side, and I shivered at the touch. He pulled away and I almost cried out from the lack of his warmth.   
"My room, now." He said loudly. My scattered brain took a second to register his words, but once it did I bolted to the opposite hall that Mikey's room was in where I had seen Gerard storm into earlier that night.   
I would have paid more attention to his bedroom if I had not been very busy at the time, but for the record, it was lime green with shades of red stripes in odd corners, along with the random paintings and sketches either hung up or actually done on the wall itself. His bed was planted in the middle of the room, white sheets and a black conforter. I did as he told me and waited by his bed patiently.  
It was a good thirty seconds before he walked in with a heavy smirk on his face.   
"Strip. Then get on the bed, on your stomach."   
I swallowed heavily as I began to pull my shirt over my head. I could feel his prying eyes on my skin, and now I knew what Mikey meant. Gerard was bipolar and unpredictable.   
I froze once I reached my boxers. All my insecurities scrambled to the front of my mind despite my erection.   
Gerard's hungry gaze shifted from my crotch to my eyes. "Well?"  
I bit my lip and pushed them down and off. After a nod from him I crawled into the bed and spread my arms and legs, my head facing the other man. My heart pounded. I shut my eyes as I heard him move behind me, near my feet. I'll admit I was a teensy bit scared.   
His hand connected with my outer thigh with a crack and I bit off a scream from surprise and pain, ending with a loud moan.   
"I thought you wanted to be hurt." Gerard began, confusing me slightly before I got the scene. "I mean, hanging out with the likes of him, you'd think you were just punishing yourself." He punctuated the last word with another slap and I buried my face into the white pillow.   
"Or maybe you were just trying to hurt me." Slap, slap! "Good try, it almost worked, slut."   
"Gerard, please." I panted, feeling heat radiating off my beaten ass. He clawed his nails down the cheeks of my ass, ripping a rough moan from my bitten lips, slightly muffled by the pillow that my face was pressed into.   
"What?" Gerard gasped, feigning surprise. "Are you getting off on this, slut? Enjoying the pain a little too much, just like a bitch?"  
A quick succession of slaps filled the room as I sobbed into the pillow.   
"On your knees, slut."  
I pulled my bottom half up and stuck out my burning ass, leaning on my elbows. I brushed away a piece of my black hair that got stuck in my eyes, feeling a trickle of sweat that had run down my forehead.   
He had gotten on the bed behind me and began ppalming my cheeks, pressing ever so close to my clenching hole.   
"You want this so bad, dont you." He said softly. I nodded. Finally he pressed his thumb intot me, pushing through the ring of muscle with ease, even though he was lubelss. I moaned and pushed back on his hands, not caring about the slight sting and wanting his to just get in there already.   
He quickly jumped off to strip, leaving me to hopelessly push back and whine like a whore. He moved to nightstand and retrieved something from the drawer. I didn't see what it was because I still had my face pressed into the pillow and honestly it was perfectly okay. He got up behind me again, and the feel of his skin against mine made me feel like I was going to explode.   
I heard the click of a cap being opened and the sound of paper ruooing. I shivered in anticipation, my face red from frustration and impatience. A second later I felt him press a cold finger to my hole, causing me to squeak and lean forward a bit.   
"Shh." He slipped in all the way to the knuckle and I could feel very little crevice and wrinkle in his long artistic finger. I had no doubt in my mind that he could tear me to pieces.   
He began to press another finger inside. I pushed back, not quite feeling pain yet and wanting to experience it coming from him. Moments later I felt it as he forced the third digit inside and spread his fingers as I whimpered beneath him.   
"You...this is obviously not your first time by how well you're taking it." He speculated.   
"It's not." I panted. "I just...have a high...agh...pain tolerance." I groaned as he grazed that spot inside me with his finger tips. "Please just, do it already."   
He pulled out for a few moments, giving me hope, until he me onto my back suddenly. I could barely prosses him linig himself up and pushing in, bit once I did I nearly sobbed. I hadn't realized how big he was until he was inside me.   
He slid in all the way before stopping for a breath and to let me adjust to the amount of cock I had in me. I moaned and gasped lightly as I felt myself stretch around him, the pain delicious in my lustful delirious mind.   
Finally I managed to push back against his pelvis, feeling his hipbones against the under side of my thighs. He groaned loudly.   
"That's fucking it." He ground out. "I'm not holding back Frank."   
I grinned at him with eyes half lidded. "Don't."   
He slowly pulled out until the tip was all that was in me. I felt the slow drag of skin against my walls and I shuddered involuntary at the glorious sensation.   
And then he slammed into me at full speed. I cried out in pain and lust as he did it again and again, hitting my prostate nearly every time.   
With each push and shove came a noise from my mouth , causing Gerard to groan in response. It was like I had no control over my reacting body. Gerard had complete dominance over my willing self and some how I had no problem with it. His movements were quick and rough intentionally.   
But this is not how I wanted it to be in the first place. This is not sweet and nice like I wanted with him. This was harsh and brutal and I never thought I'd like it at all much less love it so much. It's not how I wanted it but somehow its even better.   
Gerard paused to push my legs up further, my knees pressing against my chest.   
"Gee, what are you doing?"   
"Shut the fuck up."   
He pressed in again from the new angle and I screamed. He grunted and held my legs from the back of my knees so I didn't squirm too bad.   
I could feel it coiling in my gut and I felt him stutter in his movements and I knew. I hadn't had sex in over a year but I knew. I was losing my voice and Gerard was sweating buckets above me. It was inevitable.   
He shoved himself all the way in and stopped, shaking from all his effort. My mouth hung open as the coil unleashed and I fell into a wave of intensity.   
I slowed my writhing and I felt all my energy leave me within seconds and I shut my eyes. Gerard hopped off the bed to tie off the condom, then climbed into the blankets and wrapped himself around me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this from my phone. Enjoy my hard work.


	7. The Morning After

I woke up with a start; contrary to earlier that morning. The bed wasn't cold but it certainly wasn't warm. I was facing the left of the bed and he was facing the right, holding his pillow to his chest. I managed to kidnap the small blanket I had used, pulled on some sweat pants I found on the floor and limped my way through the hall to the living room. Mikey was sitting on the couch in front of the tv.   
“Hey you.” Mikey said once I came into sight. “How'd you sleep?”   
“Fine.”   
He hummed. “That's funny, I didn't sleep a wink because every time I closed my eyes I saw my brother calling my friend a slut and then slapping the shit out of him.”   
My face became scarlet. “Jesus, Mikey. I'm sorry. That must have been awful to hear...”   
“I invited you into Gerard's house for a reason. I'm just glad you guys made up.”   
I smiled as best I could to let him know I was grateful, then tucked the blanket further around me and headed into the kitchen.   
I was really worried about how Gerard was taking our exertion last night, especially since he was so cold to me this morning. What had I done? No, what did I expect? I obviously wasn't enough for him to be comfortable around me. Again, I had wanted something from him and he gave me the opposite. At least I still had Mikey...hopefully.   
I was pleased to find a hot half pot of coffee on the kitchen counter. I hiked the blanket up on my shoulders and pulled a semi clean looking mug out of the sink. The look of cheap, gritty black substance being poured into the Misfits inspired coffee mug calmed me immensely. The bitter taste and boiling liquid shocked me back into my body and I knew who was at fault again. I did what anyone in my situation would have done. At least I think so.   
I took my mug and blanket into the living room to sit with Mikey on the couch. I attempted to hide the limp but he just raised an eyebrow and I gave in.   
He held a bowl of cereal in his hands and Catfished reruns were playing on the big screen, his blonde hair messed up with bedhead. My mind flipped back and forth between the brothers and came to the question of how on earth were these men related?   
“How much older is Gerard than you?” The words came out before I had a chance to stop them.   
He glanced at me with that permanent eyebrow arch. “About three years.”   
I could feel the corner of my mouth twitch in embarrassment. But it didn't stop there. “How long has he been coloring his hair?”   
Mikey chuckled. “For the last twenty years. Mostly it's been black, but once he started taking care of himself he decided to dye it brighter.”   
Twenty years? I was only twenty four. “Wait. How old is he?”   
Once more I received a strange look. “Thirty seven. You didn't know?”   
I became dizzy almost immediately. That's what, thirteen years difference? Shit.   
“What's wrong?” Mikey asked, concerned. “Don't tell me you're underage?”   
“I'm not, I'm not. It's just...I'm twenty four.”   
He bit his lip, looking just like his brother. “It could be worse. And he does look like a fucking vampire. Does Gerard know?”   
“If I didn't know, do you think he would?”   
“True. Shit, dude. I wouldn't tell him until later, like a couple months or so. When you guys get serious.”   
I looked down at my lap. “I want us to get serious. Like you said, I'm crazy about him, Mikey.” I quoted what he had said last night.   
“It'll be fine.” Mikey said, tugging on my blanket lightly. “You two are made for each other.”   
“You guys talking about me again?”   
I jumped in surprise, not used to the rough gravelly sound that should have been his voice. (Sexy as hell, it happens whenever we do it. Mmph.)   
Gerard rounded the corner of the hallway and came to sit next to me on the couch. He smiled a beautiful smile meant for me and grabbed my hand.   
“How are you feeling?” He asked, using his other hand to swipe my bangs out of my eyes.   
I grinned. “Used.”   
He bit his lip, then kissed me lightly. “Good.”   
“Get a room.” Mikey said in distress.   
I pulled away and laughed. “You brought me to his house for a reason.”   
He opened his mouth in surprise. “First off, you need to stop quoting me. Second, I fucking live here too, ya know.”   
Out of spite I guess, Gerard pulled me to him and stuck his hand into my pants. My face went three shades red and Mikey groaned in defeat.   
“I'm fucking leaving. There's lube in the drawer under the tv.” With that he jumped up and left through the front door, without shoes or a jacket. The door slammed behind him.   
I turned to look at Gerard. “That was not nice.”   
He leaned closer to kiss my nose. “Yeah well.”   
I basked under the attention and the hand stroking the inside of my thigh, forgetting all my doubts about him from this morning. “Why is there lube under the tv?”   
He grinned. “My little brother isn't exactly all that straight either, you know.”   
“Is that true, now?”   
“Very. Of course, he's not into everything that I am. He tolerates it, but I know it makes him uncomfortable. I wasn't thinking last night.”   
I pulled back. “Do you regret it?”   
“Fuck no. Never.” He stared at me with hardened look. “I've wanted nothing but you for the last few weeks. Don't ever think I would regret something as petty as last night.”   
I lost my voice as the hand down my pants began to move. “O-okay...”   
He moved and pushed me to lay on my back, pulling the sweatpants down my hips and throwing them onto the floor. The blanket was spread out on the couch underneath me like a light blue halo and I knew what was coming.   
He kissed my stomach and mouthed at the skin above my belly button. He went straight for my cock as soon as clothes were no longer a barrier, slowly stroking it to full hardness. I threw my head back and let him do what he wanted to me, just being there to enjoy the ride.   
He took my hands and held them above my head against the armrest and began his assault on my body, going to kiss and lick at my chest and stroking faster.   
He rubbed his thumb against my tip and licked over my left nipple, causing me to groan in enthusiasm. He closed his mouth around it and sucked hard. I bucked up into his hand, getting more and more into his attacks. Again I felt the tightening in my gut that let me know I was close, and he must have known, too. He scraped his teeth against my nipple, ripping little moans and pants from the puddle of arousal that I had become. He teased and toyed with me until I felt like I was going to burst.   
And then he bit down on my skin, hard. I cried out and leaned into him as I released. As I finished, he pulled me to his chest and held me tightly while I came down from my high. He pressed his thin lips into my shoulder while I panted and wrapped my arms around him so tight for a few minutes I was pretty sure I lost feeling in my right arm.   
“You're so amazing.” He whispered to me. “You look so beautiful when you're fucked out.”   
I smiled, weak from his torture. “It's your fault. I've never been given a reason to enjoy it so much.”   
He kissed my neck. “I will give you every reason in the world, I promise.”   
I felt so happy, so at peace with what I had. I knew I would never regret anything done with him. “You already have.” 

About an hour and a half later, Mikey came to pick us up and take me to get my car unlocked. The lock smith wanted to bust my window so he could unlock it from the inside, but Gerard was not having that. I tried to explain to him that it was easier and cheaper that way but he just cornered me by saying he'd rather pay for it than see it get smashed. I was distressed, but I was insanely grateful. I haven't been doing well financially and this would have dug me a hole deeper than hell.   
When I had to go home Gerard wanted to go with me, but I reminded him that not only did I have to go to work, but I also couldn't drive him home. He had pouted but I managed to make him happy again.   
“You need a car.” I had joked when we were saying goodbye.   
He kissed me, long and deep. “You might be right.”   
I didn't think much of it, mostly because I had to leave now or my guitar would catch dust. But I did wonder about it after I had been home for a while, when I got into the shower to wash the dried come off my stomach, still feeling the soreness from last night with a smile.


	8. The Weekend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been really bad about posting for the last couple of weeks...I blame my exhaustion on the fact that I went to warped tour and never really got back into the writing groove. But here I am with some extra chapters to make up for it!   
> PS you can reach me at liejayy.ap@gmail.com or http.tumblr.com/anxious-lie

Chapter 8   
It had been days since I last saw Gerard.   
But I still texted him and called him over the phone between shifts and late nights. It was amazing how much he cared for me already, sacrificing his time just to speak to me. Me, someone who was nearly broke and passionate about something so unreasonable but he still encouraged me to chase my dream. He still supported me 100%. It was insane.   
He offered to pay to fix the little things around my apartment that I complained about too. First my car to my leaky sink to my fuckin' ripped jeans. I wouldn't let him pay for stupid things like that but I was flattered that he thought of me.   
Mikey had called me the day after I left to let me know that he would be booking me as a regular at his shop. Every week I would play. I wouldn't have to scuff around looking for gigs anymore.   
Basically my entire meeting him has not had a bad thing come of it yet. I was honestly so, so grateful for my good luck.   
But there was still the thought in the back of my mind. The Used. Bert McCracken.   
Don't look at me like that. He gave me a chance. I could write for someone big. Do you know what that means?   
It means no more playing on the streets-no more hideous tips. No more staring off into space thinking about what I could be, I could act on my chance and get somewhere for once in my life.   
My only concern was Gerard. 

The Friday of that week Gerard invited me over for the night.   
“Come have dinner with us! We'll watch Marvel and eat popcorn and annoy Mikey.” He had said convincingly. “He's being a little bitch and I need you.”   
I had the weekend off, and I was going with them to Cupbearers anyway. Plus the only difference between the week before and now was that now I was prepared. Tooth brush, lotion, my acoustic guitar, a change of clothes (I'd probably be wearing his anyhow) and as always, three condoms in my wallet just in case. I locked my apartment door and began my drive to his house.   
I thought that maybe I'd talk to him about the whole 'writing for your ex thing'. Maybe he would be okay with it if I told him how much it meant to me. Maybe after sex. Lots of it. He'd say yes then, right?   
Mikey answered the door, but Gerard was the one who yanked me inside for a hug and a really, really long kiss.   
"I missed you." I stuttered out when I pulled away for breath, finding it was the truth. I had missed him even though I spoke to him all the time. I missed his hands, his voice, his eyes.   
He smiled and pecked my nose. "I missed you too, Frankie. So, so much."   
"Guys, you're missing The Voice!" Mikey said loudly. Gerard growled and kissed me again, harder.   
"Trying to memorize you're lips." He murmered. "For that fuckin' drawing. 'Cause you deserve nothing but perfection."   
I gasped a little, absorbed in the movement of his lips. "You remembered that?"   
"Are you kidding? It's my best piece so far." He teased, pressing his lips to the skin right above the edge of my lips and next to the bridge of my nose.   
"I thought you would be too drunk to remember. That you'd start intoxicated, wake up to find it half done." My eyes fluttered close. "Can I see it?"   
"When you've doubted me so? Fuck no. Not 'till it's done and I can decide whether or not to trash it."   
I pushed him lightly but came back to kiss him again. I just couldn't stop. "Don't throw anything you make away...They're too valuable."   
He scoffed. "It's trash if I say it's trash. End of story." He shoved me into the foyer wall and pressed his tongue into my mouth. I was too entranced to tell him it hurt my shoulder blades. It didn't even matter anyway. The attention itself was enough to get me high.   
"If you break something you get to pay for it!" Mikey called out.   
And I remembered, 'wait, we're in the middle of the foyer, there's a man sitting on a couch literally ten feet away, and we have all the time in the world. This is no time to get a boner.'   
I pushed Gerard off me as my face turned red. He looked concerned for a moment, saw my face and then laughed. "I told you, he's being a little bitch." 

Mikey quickly realized that he was not going to get away from Gerard and I. His brother was all over me, even when we turned on Batman. He had me in his lap with my back against his chest and his hands searched under my shirt over my stomach, drawing patterns in the skin. He also randomly kissed my neck in the middle of scenes to take my attention away from the tv, causing me to be incredibly distracted, so I took slow shuddering breaths so I wouldn't moan loud enough to bother the man next to us.   
Finally, halfway through the Winter Soldier, Mikey sighed loudly and said that he would be at his friend Sarah's house if we needed him. Gerard assured him that he wouldn't be needed.   
As soon as Mikey left I was shoved into the couch once again. I really expected it, but I wasn't too urked by it. 

"Do you really like me?"   
The question, it seemed, surprised both of us. Me, the speaker, and Gerard, the stunned answerer.   
He stared at me for a minute before he resumed glaring at his sketchpad.   
"What do you mean?" He said finally, taking his pen back to the paper he was drawing on.   
I lied in his bed on top of the covers, not really doing anything but staring at his gorgeous face, framed by his dyed red hair. "There's not really anything spectacular about me. You have everything...attractive as fuck, talented, rich. I'm working three jobs, I'm nearly homeless and I'm chasing after a unreachable dream I've had since I was a kid. There's nothing special about me."   
He didn't look up. "Who says you're not "attractive as fuck" yourself?"   
"I'm average. I'm like, a six. You're a fuckin' ten."   
"On a good day, I'm a five and a half. The idea of beauty is all in your head. It just depends on who is looking."   
I scoffed. "If you met me anywhere else, say, my gig at Mikey's shop or something, would you still be attracted to me?"   
"Now you're intentionally being stupid." He somehow seemed to frown harder at his page.   
"Just answer, please."   
He scratched the back of his neck. "I'd probably try to pick you up for the night; you're definitely hot enough, though you're not my usual type."   
I swallowed heavily as my fear was confirmed. Even so, I had to keep pushing. "What...What is your type?"   
Gerard had stopped his work seconds before my question, catching on to my insecure meaning. He raised his eyebrow at me in amusement. He was going to play to play with me.   
"Big, burly men. Usually taller than me. Guys who really know how to take care of you," He winked at me. "I'll tell you secret...I don't usually top."   
I remembered the shy, sweet, beautiful man I met weeks before and saw truth in his words. "What made you start topping me?"   
He all but slammed his sketchbook onto the desk, causing me to jump. He sighed loudly and rolled his eyes dramatically.   
"You wouldn't do anything! This wasn't going to go anywhere unless I did something. Plus, I was pissed the fuck off. I had to set the rules." He picked up a pen and clicked it twice. "Speaking of which, would you prefer the light system as a safeword or go old fashioned?"   
"What do you mean, set the rules? What rules had I broken?"   
His eye twitched. "Everyone knows not to associate with someone's ex."   
I sat up, trying not to get angry. "I didn't know he was your ex, Gee."   
"Besides, you were there with me. You can't be flirting with other guys and getting numbers. You're mine. End of question."   
In his own weird, possessive way, he apparently did care at least a little bit. But something still bothered me.   
"So I'm not your type. Do that make you worried, or uncomfortable? Am I not enough?"   
He laughed. "It's a lot of fun being a top, as much as it feels good to be a bottom. I'll have to teach you my ways, though. Which brings me back to my original question; we need a safeword, babe." 

So I still didn't have my answer about my music career. I still had about fifty other questions, too, but I had the whole weekend to get them all out.


	9. The First Scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have only subbed once in my life. I am a dom by nature, so I have no idea what subspace is like, and I have never been pleasured by subbing. I got the information from a friend of mine, and did my best.   
> PS you can contact me at liejayy.ap@gmail.com or http://anxious-lie.tumblr.com/

Chapter 9  
Jesus, fuck. I couldn't take this.   
"Just a bit more, babe. You can do this." His voice was coming from right in front of me, but with my eyes closed I could imagine him inside my head.   
"I can't, please. It hurts too much."   
"It's almost inside I promise. Almost there..."  
I cried out as the ball finally was sucked into me.   
My head flew back into the pillows as I felt the tears press against my eyelids. The pressure was nearly too much.   
I felt Gerard crawl up my tummy and put his elbows on either side of my head, successfully trapping me in his arms. He gently pressed kisses on my tightly shut eyelids, the tip of my nose, each of my cheeks, and finally, my lips. He stayed right near my face for a few seconds before whispering against my mouth.   
"You are beautiful...so good for me, I'm so proud of you."   
Even with that seemingly huge ball in my ass currently pressing painfully into my prostate, I managed a tight lipped smile for him. His praise sent shivers down my body, and made me flush in warmth and his adoring words.   
"Ready for what's next?" He asked after another gentle kiss on the lips. My eyes flew open, silently pleading with his, warning him that I was almost to the point of destruction. He just used the back of his hand to brush a piece of sweaty hair off my forehead.   
"Don't worry, love. I'll take care of you. What's your safeword?"   
"Wiccan."   
With that he climbed his way back down my body, kissing my pelvis softly and giving my cock a quick, firm stroke, causing me to gasp.   
"Please be gentle," I whimpered out. I shut my eyes tightly once again.   
Moments later the ball was shoved deeper inside me and the next one began its way in. I choked a cry and squirmed to get myself out but Gerard lied his arm over my thighs and only pushed harder.   
I had two options in this scenario. One, safeword out and feel guilty when Gerard went out of his way to make me feel better and beg forgiveness for pushing me past my limit. Option two, save the embarrassment and succumb to this incredible feeling inside me. I think this is what he meant when he tried to explain subspace. I felt this fear of going into that state...did I trust Gee enough to bring me out of it? More importantly, did I want this enough to be rash?   
My standing dick said yes.   
We spoke before the scene (Gerard and I, not my dick.) Gerard mentioned that he had dissected the night we fucked and decided that my most sensitive parts were my insides. (You could guess I spent the whole conversation with my legs and arms crossed and my face red.) He said that was the best place to start working on. He also promised to keep the bondage on the down low, until I got used to the scenes we did. We figured the rules would begin to show themselves with our experimenting. The first one was 'don't touch yourself without permission. Ever.'   
I've found that after every scene I felt more and more relaxed and comfortable with myself and Gerard. I don't know why I never did this before.   
Oh yeah. This is why.   
That thing just kept getting wider, even with the extra lube it was too painful. And that feeling was not going away. The ball was rubbing against my walls and my concentration was breaking. Gerard's voice was somewhere in the mix, soothing words spilling from his beautiful lips and reaching my scattered brain. I was literally at war with myself over this fucking ball. (Pun not intended) This ball was the source of so much stress and anxiety and I couldn't fucking take it.   
Gerard began to stroke my hipbones with his thumb, attempting to calm my nerves. He was still speaking but only then did I hear was he was saying.   
Not much, but I definitely felt the lips wrap around the head of my cock, and that's what did me in.   
I barely felt the thump that was the ball finally being sucked into me. Gerard hummed around me, but I barely felt it. My mind was swimming and everything felt amazing.   
"Frankie?" I heard around the buzz that filled my head. Everything felt fuzzy and I was losing control over my body. "Can you hear me, Frankie?"   
No, stop. What are you doing? I thought because I couldn't say it. The more I understood him the more I was brought out of the haze. I didn't want this incredible feeling of fullness and excruciating pleasure to end.   
"Follow my voice, baby. I need you back. Just follow me." The clouds around each and every one of my thoughts disintegrated and I wanted to cry. It wasn't fair to get a taste of that marvelous feeling and have it ripped away so fast.   
Coming back felt like bursting out of water for a much needed breath of air. Every one of my nerves were on fire and I felt completely and totally, so painfully empty.   
When I could begin to use my limbs again, I cautiously opened my eyes. Gerard was a foot above me, staring with both pride and relief. He held my face and wiped his thumb under my eye, and I felt wetness smear across my cheek. So apparently I had been crying.   
"Hey Frankie." He whispered. "How do you feel?"   
I licked my lips. My tongue felt heavy. "I don't know."   
He smiled and kissed me lightly. "You were beautiful. Truly amazing."   
I bit my lip for a moment, then looked away. The ball fucking machine was lying next to my ankle, and out of spite I kicked off the bed.   
"I hate that damned thing." I muttered. I leaned back against his pillows as sudden exhaustion struck every part of my body. Gerard lied down next to me, and pulled me into his arms. Like that first night we slept together, I was falling quickly asleep, so I let him hold my hand and bring it to his lips.   
"I think I love you, Frankie."


	10. The Double Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I'm sorry for being a lazy bum.   
> Have this half ass last second chapter as peace offering.  
> I have never been to Starbucks.   
> And yes, this will have Rikey in it.   
> Dont hurt me pls  
> If you have any questions/suggestions/ships you want in here, you can comment or message me here, reach me at liejayy.ap@gmail.com or hit me up at .http://anxious-lie.tumblr.com/ with an anonymous ask or just have a chat with me on kik at R.S.I.N   
> Happy reading!

Chapter 10  
I woke up warm and comfortable. My bottom half ached, but in a refreshing way. Like I ran a marathon with a butt plug in (which Gerard seemed to have an endless supply of.) I pressed my nose into that heat radiating pillow and breathed in the faint smell of lemons and smoke, a very Gerard like scent. Knowing it was him, I wrapped my arms around his thigh and stroked the inside skin softly with my thumb.   
"Good morning." He said lovingly. Soft scratching sounds above me let me know he had a sketchpad in his hands, sitting up and leaning against some of the many pillows in his soft bed.   
I hummed in happiness. "Good morning, my beautiful man."   
I looked up as he chuckled and shook his head. He put down one of the pens we bought at that Wiccan store together and swept my bangs out of my eyes, then held his hand to my face.   
"You're the beautiful one here. You blow my mind every time I see the bliss in your face when you come. I'm truly lucky to see how gorgeous you are."   
Half way through his words I had dug into his leg and pressed my face into his thigh.   
"Mm mmph."   
"What was that?"  
"I love you."   
"I love you too." 

It was 2:03 pm. I know that, because that was when Mikey came in, turned on the lights and opened the blinds, covered his eyes and yelled loud enough to bother the neighbors.   
"You have been in bed for two fucking days. Use the third one for something good for you; you're going to the movies with me and Sarah."  
"Shut the fuck up, Mikey." Gerard threw the nearest unused pillow over our heads.   
"You have one more day to be with Frank. Do something other than have sex."   
I quietly giggled at Mikey's words and in response Gerard pinched me lightly on the chest. "Are you twelve?"   
Honestly we had only been in public for two dates, and after that we went straight to sex. It would be nice to show off Gerard.   
"That would be nice." I mumbled to him after Mikey left. "We can go to that Starbucks I work at."   
He smiled and kissed my nose. "Fine, but it's gonna be hard to keep my hands off you."   
"That's why movie theater's are dark." 

I had no idea why I suggested my work. Ray and Bunny had this shift, from 10:00 am to 4:00 pm and there was no way we would miss them, heading over right at this moment. I was nerve wracked, and not even Gerard could calm me down.   
Mikey and Sarah talked throughout the drive. When I met her in the foyer of Gerard and Mikey's apartment, she seemed kind until she opened her mouth.   
"So, you're Gerard's boyfriend?" I nodded. She looked to see if Gerard or Mikey were around, then stepped right into my personal bubble and poked my chest. Kinda hard.   
"If you do anything to Mikey I swear to god I will cut off your dick and feed it to my cat."   
I looked at her with alarm and confusion. "Why would I do something to Mikey? I'm Gerard's boyfriend."   
She glared at me. "I don't know how he does it, but the last two boyfriends of Gerard's have done things to Micheal, and I am not going to stand by and let it happen again."   
She came in closer and whispered menacingly. "Mikey doesn't deserve the shit Gerard throws at him. If you are somehow different, if you are somehow innocent, get the fuck out of here while you can."   
She just managed to step out of my space when Mikey walked in. There was still fear in my eyes when I looked at him, slowly mixing with pity. Mikey frowned at Sarah and I, shaking his head.   
"Frank," he said, beginning to laugh. "You look like your dog died. I didn't know you were that scared of women."   
I tried to laugh, but it just came out as a nervous bubble. I felt Gerard's arms close around my waist, his face nuzzle into my neck. Sarah gave me a warning look, then fell into Mikey's arms.   
"Hello there." Gerard said lovingly. I smiled the best I could for him.   
"Hello beautiful." I said quietly. "Are you ready to go?"   
He kissed the edge of my jaw. "And meet your friends? Hell yes."   
So now I sat in the back seat of Mikey's car, pulling into the parking lot of my work. The moment the car stopped I jumped out and raced inside, ignoring my boyfriends calls to hold on and wait.   
Ray was working the register, and Bunny was filling a cup of ice with black coffee. Ray looked up from his work and smiled at me.   
"Hey dude. You don't work today."   
I grinned, feeling confident once again. "Nope. I needed a coffee break."   
The place was mostly empty, one or two people milling around aimlessly, either on their phones or laptops. The refreshing smell of coffee and hot chocolate filling my senses and heightening my feeling of enlightenment.   
"Frank!" Mikey said with a grin as he ran inside after Sarah. "Oh...H-hi." He stuttered once he saw Ray. I nearly laughed out loud at his fragile voice.   
But then I felt lips on the back of my neck. After almost jumping out of my skin, I turned to be met with bright eyes and loving lips.   
"Whoa there buddy. No PDA in my shop." Bunny walked purposefully into us and broke us apart.   
I looked up at Ray, who was currently staring at Gerard with a grin. He laughed and went through the employees only counter to hug my boyfriend and clap him on the back.   
"So you're the one that's made Frank so loopy." He said with a wide, toothy grin, his tied back long curly hair unintentionally whacking me in the face. "I could kiss you!"   
Gerard looked at me with a knowing smirk. "No thanks, I try to save that for Frank."   
I crossed my arms and frowned. "What do you mean, 'try?'"  
Bunny passed us again, trying to seem like she wasn't snooping. "Well anyway Frank, I approve." She winked at Gerard. "Sure picked yourself a sexy one, you did."   
"Guuuuuys." I groaned, feeling like a fifteen year old having his parents meet his boyfriend.   
"Sorry, sorry." Ray looked at all of us, his eyes landing on Mikey. "Who's this?" He said, his eyes going from pleased to intrigued.   
Gerard wasn't fazed. "This is my baby brother, Mikey."   
"Gee." Mikey groaned, much like I did a second ago. Mikey put out a hand for Ray to shake. Ray returned it with a firm grip. "Nice to meet you. What kind of coffee would you like, sweetheart?"   
I don't think I've ever seen Mikey blush, and that image was going to be stuck in my head as my best friend and my boyfriends brother.   
Flirting.   
And somehow I blocked out the rest of that trip.


	11. The Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song I kept listening to over and over while writing this chapter is Missing You by All Time Low  
> Go listen they are the baes

Thankfully, the building was crowded (as it was morning, most people come in for their coffee.) Ray was unable to corner me about the day before.   
Don't get me wrong, I love Ray like a brother. But he was the most confrontational person I've ever met.   
Me? Well, lets say I have a tendency to be quiet about things that bother me.   
And as of right now, I was noticing this woman was staring at me a bit intensely. I tried to keep from making eye contact as I wrote down her drink. I handed the cup to Tom (one of the other employees) and gave the receipt to the woman. She smiled lightly at me and pulled out a pen from her purse.   
"I don't really need this." She said while I watched horrified, as she wrote her name and number on the back of the receipt. "But you might."   
She slid the receipt back across the counter to me and winked as she walked-no, sashayed to the other counter to wait for her drink.   
As soon as she was out of sight I binned the piece of paper with more force than necessary. I sighed, then readied myself for the next customer.   
"A bit harsh, don't you think?"   
The familiar voice made me whip my head up.   
Bert stood in front of me with a knowing, concerned look. "You look like someone violated you. She was just flirting."   
I swallowed and shook my head. "Sorry, I'm a little stressed." He cocked his head.   
"I can see. Darling, you have bags under your eyes."   
"I haven't slept much in the last few days. What would you like?"   
He looked up at the menu and swept a strand of hair behind his ear. "Black, vanilla blend. With ice, please."   
His order made me pause. I looked up at him. "That's Gerard's drink."   
He smiled sadly, as if I reminded him of something he wished to forget. "I guess I rubbed off on him."   
I stood there looking at him until Bunny yelled at me to do my job. I immediately began writing his order down.   
"Wanna get lunch after your shift? I'd like to talk to you about my offer from before."   
Before I could think, I replied with "That would be awesome."   
He paid, took the receipt and smiled at me as he walked to the other counter. I checked my watch and sighed.   
Two more hours until detonation. 

I had a couple of texts from Gerard. I sat in my car red-faced from not only the nature of the texts, but from the fact that I'm basically betraying him by meeting up with Bert.   
Once the shop had quieted down, I had a few minutes to myself before break. So I texted Bert and asked where to meet him. We decided on Papaya, a lovely little joint that made mostly soup and sandwiches. I also had a moment to reflect on what exactly Gerard would do to me. I had started looking into BDSM and found out that punishment was very popular. I wondered how Gerard would punish me.   
I sat for a few minutes just trying to decide if I should text him exactly what I wanted. Out of pure curiosity I was dying to say this.   
'I'm doing something very bad, sir' was already typed into my phone. I was about to send it when I received a text from Bert, asking where I was. I erased the message and decided I'd tell him later and explain why I did it. Besides, it's not like I was cheating on him. 

"How long have you been playing, Frank?" Bert looked intently at me over the brim of his cup.   
I picked up a french fry while I answered nervously. "Nine years. I only started singing about a year ago."   
He smiles a little. "I could tell." I blushed and looked down. "You seem very new to the concept of singing in front of people, but what caught me is how passionate you are about the words that come out of your mouth. That's what made you good at it."   
"Well, th-thanks." I stammered. "I really appreciate it. I do my best to get better at it. I absolutely love what I do."   
He took a moment to tuck his long black hair behind his ears. "I could tell that your music style is a sort of soft grunge. Is that intentional?"   
"Its just always been my style. I tried to get into pop and all that, but this has always been my comfort zone."   
"I see." He takes a sip of his water before asking something else. "Have you written anything new, Frank?"   
I thought back. "I haven't really had the time since I've been with Gerard."   
He looked down at the table, but I caught it in his eyes. The look of hurt and sadness trying to be hidden.   
I was quick to fix my mistake. "I'm totally willing to put every bit of my time and effort into writing for you guys. This has been the offer of my dreams."   
He hid his feelings well. "I wouldn't have offered if I didn't think you were worth it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys don't like Bert, but he's gonna be a huge part of this story.   
> Foreshadowing; It's about to get really dark really soon.


	12. The Interview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kik: R.S.I.N  
> Tumblr: anxious-lie  
> Email: liejayy.ap@gmail.com

Weeks later, Bert scheduled a day for me to meet the band. I was stoked. My dream was coming true.   
That same day, Gerard texted me, saying he wanted to meet up. I didn't think too much of it, mostly because I was so happy. I replied with a smiley face and an all caps “I miss you.” I was ready to kiss him and hug him and just feel truly happy for the first time in years.   
He said to meet up at Papaya. I said yes. 

I pushed through the door of the shop with a tiny smile hugging my lips, my notebook in my bag strapped to my shoulders. I was wearing a green and blue flannel Gerard had once said he liked on me.   
I looked around the busy restaurant for the beautiful red head that I loved to call mine. I stood by the door for a few minutes, my smile melting as I realized he wasn't there. Maybe he was still on his way. The thought reassured me, so I moved around to find a seat in the crowded building.   
Fifteen minutes later, I had swallowed half of the sprite I ordered and had sent two texts asking where he was.  
Half an hour later, the building had begun to empty our and still no sign of Gerard.   
An hour and five minutes had gone by and I began to worry. It was only me and a cute couple across from me. The girl was beautiful and looked so happy, laughing and grinning at the boy in front of her. He smiled along and looked at her like she was the only thing in his life that mattered.   
I realized finally that he wasn't coming.  
I gathered my things with tears pricking at my eyes. I left a ten dollar tip for the sprite, for taking up their time and keeping a table so long, then made my way to the door. Suddenly, just as I reached for the door, I felt someone put a hand on my shoulder.  
“Sir?” A woman's voice.   
I turned to look at the woman I had seen laughing with the other man. He as well stood behind her with a concerned look on his face.   
“Yes?” I heard my voice crack and mentally scolded myself.   
“Are you okay?” Her voice was softened somehow by my state. I just wanted to go home and cry.   
“I just. I...” I looked at the wall behind her. “I was supposed to meet someone that I loved today. But he never showed.”  
The woman exchanged a look with the other man, one that I couldn't interpret, then turned back to me.   
“Is your name Frank?”  
Startled, I wiped my eyes so my face wouldn't be stained. “Yeah, it is.”   
She turned around and shoved at her lover. “I told you! And you said it wasn't him!”   
“He didn't look like the picture.” He defended. “At least, not much.”   
“What the hell are you talking about?” I demanded.   
The woman looked at me sheepishly. “You should come with us.'  
The guy waved me with them as they began to walk towards the back of the shop. I followed suit, confused and slightly frustrated.   
The woman waved at the employee behind the counter, and the man opened the door to the break room. I could hear voices behind the walls.   
“You can't be serious.” One said. “How late was he?”   
The woman replied with “It was us, Mike. We didn't realize it was him.”  
“Mike...? Mikey?!” When he saw me, he looked like he wanted to laugh, but something was holding him back.  
“Hi, Frank. Sorry for the mishap.” He said, as he folded the edge of the page he was reading. “How long were you out there?”   
“Over an hour.” I scowled.   
Mikey told the couple they could leave, and thanked them for helping. The woman nodded and left, closing the door and leaving me with Gerard's little brother.   
“I had a plan.” Mikey began whilst he shook his head. “I was doing this gang like. I'd have my guys get you and bring you to the hidden room in the back to me, the mob lord.” He chuckled. “Apparently, it didn't end like that.”   
I stood there mortified, angry beyond belief. “Where's Gerard?” I choked out.   
Mikey pulled Gerard's phone out of his back pocket and checked the notifications. “How embarrassing.” He mused.   
“Are you fucking serious?” I demanded. He raised an eyebrow at my outburst. “You made me think the person I loved threw me away."   
He bit his lip for a moment before repeating the word 'love' over to himself.   
"Why am I here?" I sighed. I just wanted to go home.   
He pursed his lips as his eyes fluttered around the brightly colored room, then pointed at the chair nearest him.   
"Come sit." I'm sorry it progressed this way, it wasn't intentional."   
I sat.   
Mikey looked around the room again. Anxiety was evident in his voice. "I have friends, Frank. A lot, especially since I'm a barista. You know what it's like." Actually I didn't, but I didn't say anything. "One of my friends work here, and he saw you a few weeks ago with someone."   
Panic flooded my chest. "Shit, Mikey. I can explain-"   
"Gerard doesn't know, but if I had told him he'd have been heart broken. We don't know how he'd react." He stared at me for a few seconds without emotion before continuing. "Why are you doing this?"   
"Listen, Mikey. It's a misunderstanding. When I met Bert at my gig all he did was offer me a chance to write for his band. I couldn't say no. So when we met up the second time it was just for an interview, like a job."   
"Then why haven't you told us? At the very least tell me."   
"I was scared!"  
"Scared of what?" He demanded.   
"I'm scared of what he'd do to me." I cried out. Mikey took a few seconds to make it extra awkward, to take a few deep breaths. I put my face in my hands at the embarrassment. Why the hell did I say that?  
"You need to tell him." Mikey said in a low voice. "I don't care when, but preferable soon. You need Gerard on your side in case...In case something happens." He tossed me Gerard's phone and I caught it in shaking hands. "He did actually want to meet up. He's at our place. He'll appreciate his missing phone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I constituted a lyric from Frank's music. If you found it, comment what it is!


	13. The Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been devestated because not only has my beloved aunt passed this week, but I'm sick to all hell. I'm sorry that this is late, and that it's so short.

My resting bitch face was plastered on the front side of my head while I drove with frustration caught in my veins. Gerard's phone sat in the passenger seat of my car, every once in a while pinging up with a notification. Me not answering the phone had nothing to do with me being "safe" on the road, and everything to do with me wanting to scream and not being able to be mentally safe enough to answer back.   
I did plan on going to see Gerard, but for the moment I was going to just drive around a little bit. My anger at myself and his brother was not going to be projected onto him.   
I was also worried about my interview with Bert. What if I went through all of this just to not make the job anyway?  
If I told Gerard, would he be okay with it? Especially if I explained it carefully. And maybe after a blowjob. 

Gerard's apartment seemed terrifyingly large today. Usually it was wonderful and amazing and gorgeous with all of his art around the walls and painted on the windows. But today they seemed out of character, with all the blacks and deep reds and blues. They were the same colors as usual, but they hit me deep in my gut as I walked up to his front door to knock.   
I knocked a few times, but it took several minutes for him to open the door with a small grin. I noticed his stringy wet hair right off the bat, and his slightly soaked wet T-shirt clinging to his pale skin, telling me that he had just come from a shower.   
"Hey," He said. "I guess Mikey did eventually call you."   
"Uh, yeah." I said with a shrug. "He said he couldn't get off work, so he had me come get your phone." As an example, I held the self painted android phone out so he could take it.   
"Thanks!" He smiled brightly. He held the door open enough for me to slip in.   
"So how has work been?" He asked as he went to plug his phone in to charge.   
I looked longingly at the hall leading into Gerard's bedroom. "Boring." I sighed. "I missed you."   
He walked up to me and let his hand just barely grasp the back of my neck. "I always miss you."   
He leaned in for a kiss where we stayed for a few seconds, just drinking in each other's presence. I took in his smell, the adorable little stain of red on his neck from his hair, and his gorgeous fluttering eyes and his soft lips against mine, feeling like I'd never had the chance to love him in the first place. But he was here, and I couldn't get enough of him.   
He broke away with a small laugh. "Are you okay?" He asked suddenly, staring into my eyes through my half closed lids. "You're a little aggressive today."  
"I'm fine." I said passive aggressively. I tried to force my shorter body into his for another kiss, but he stopped me.   
"It doesn't seem like it." He said. He was trying to be upbeat about the whole thing, but I could tell he knew what was up. "What happened today? Was it something with work?"   
I swallowed heavily. "Sort of. " He kept looking at me expectantly, so I continued. "I was offered another job."   
He looked so excited for me. "That's great! What is it?"   
"Well, I was offered a chance to write for a big name band." I couldn't help, it, I began to grin along with Gerard. "They heard me play at the gig at Mikey's shop and said I was really good, so I had an interview today right after work. I'm waiting to hear back from them."   
"That's amazing!" He kissed me with a grin on his face and my own. He pulled away and carressed my face. "Well, then why are you upset?"   
The grin holding my cheeks immediately melted and I looked at the floor. I had to make something up on the fly. "Mikey and I...had a spat, I guess." Gerard's face fell too, so I tried to save my ass. "It wasn't too big, just an argument on the subject of me getting the job."   
"Why would he care about whether you got the job or not?" He asked with a concerned look once again. I hated that face.   
The lie wanted to bite me before it bit Gerard. "Well, uh. It's like this." I forced out. "Mikey doesn't exactly like the person who invited me in. Old history, ya know? So Mikey was pissed off at me so he grabbed me after my interview and told me so."   
Gerard frowned. Fuck, I think he caught on.   
"I'll talk to Mikey when he gets back from work. That's a ridiculous notion to get mad about."   
It took everything in me to not look scared. "No, no. It's fine. We worked it out. It won't happen again, I'm sure. It was just an argument. Nothing big."   
"You're a horrible liar, Frank." Gerard sighed. I stiffened. "But I'll respect your wishes."   
"Yeah, well, thanks. I appreciate it." My tongue was heavy as I spoke.   
Gerard pulled me to him and kissed me softly. He smiled as he looked at me. "Wanna have some congratilatory sex?"   
Honestly, I just wanted to sleep. But usually sleep came after sex, so I agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can reach me at anxious-lie.tumblr.com, my kik at R.S.I.N, my email at liejayy.ap@gmail.com, and as always right here at archive. Love you guys and thanks for reading!


	14. Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard has put up with enough shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK MOTHERFUCKERS  
> I'm not wearing pants, I've eaten nothing but salt and vinegar chips for two days, Destroya has been playing on repeat, and I got free coffee at Starbucks this morning I am running on adrenaline and Frerard. Plus acquiring a boyfriend (Which is a new experience for me) has been absolutely lovely.   
> I have written several other fics in the time I've been gone, and I've spent many an hour behind my computer screen trying to come up with something for this story- then it hit me.   
> Gerard's POV.   
> Fuckin genius

I wandered around Gerard’s kitchen for a few minutes, waiting for the coffee to brew. Gerard was still asleep in his room after last night. Honestly, I didn’t blame him. We didn’t do anything rough but we did go at it for a few hours. As much as I wanted to sleep for some reason I couldn’t close my eyes for more than thirty seconds. I stayed up the rest of that night just feeling my heart sink from the very idea of lying to Gerard, but I couldn’t just tell him yet. I would. I swore I would.   
I left early that day. I told Gerard that I was just tired, and I needed to freshen up in the comfort of my small apartment. He looked worried, but I promised him I was alright. Today was the day that I met up with Bert and the band. I had written some new lyrics that I wanted to present and I needed to be at the top of my game. But somehow, I didn’t think so.  
A man with dyed blonde hair, Quinn, I assumed, offered to get me a beer. I told him no but thanks, that a water would do just fine. My body was actually shaking from the anxious energy that filled my veins. And as everyone sat down around me, suddenly my lyrics didn’t seem good enough anymore, suddenly I had screwed up every little thing. Suddenly I spelled ‘misinterpret’ with an e. Suddenly my hair was in my eyes and I needed a haircut, suddenly my scars began to ache and my head hurt. There was no way in hell I was having a panic attack.  
“Frank?” Bert asked me in confused voice. “What’s up buddy?”  
“Nothing.” I replied quickly. Immediately I plastered a smile on my face, even though my heart was beating out of my chest. “Let’s just jump in before you kick me out.” Quinn laughed and the others agreed. Bert still looked concerned, but he went along with it.  
“So this is an abstract song...it wasn’t abstract when I wrote it, but looking over it I realized it’s kind of stupid...these lines could probably be saved but that has to be cut out. Oh. When I wrote this I was planning for it to be recorded as a duet- see the underlined is for the first person-”  
“Frank.”  
I turned at the sound of my name, feeling the blood travel to my face and tears filling in my eyes.  
Bert read the lyrics over twice with wide eyes, before facing the me fully, taking in my trembling form.  
“It’s amazing.” The moment the words left Bert’s mouth, a grin swept over my red face.  
“Really?”  
“Definitely. Look, Quinn. This would work perfectly with that riff you were working on.”  
And suddenly, everything pulled together perfectly. Bert and Quinn nitpicked through my lyrics and discussed what could work for the music parts that they had already written. I sat there with a relieved smile on my face, even though I still had nausea eating away at me. It would probably never leave anyway.

 

(Gerard’s POV)  
At this point we can honestly say something was horribly wrong. Mikey wouldn’t speak to me, and Frank acted like he murdered someone and was lying about it.  
What was my family doing behind my back?  
It seemed like everything thing I did anymore was sit in my kitchen and draw. Sketch outlines for a comic that was getting nowhere. No matter how much thought I put into the plot for this story I couldn’t think of anything. I need Frank. Not just him being near me, I needed him for inspiration; for ideas and constant reminders that this was a good thing.  
So now I’m thinking, how can I get Frank by my side again? What would make him open up to me? How could I make him feel better?  
And it dawned on me that we hadn’t tried anything new in the bedroom. Maybe a whipping could force the stress away? Possible asphyxiation? What  
about a knife fetish? I’d have to ask him at some point. I just needed him to come back to me. I needed to feel him in my arms again. I needed to know that he was okay, that we were okay. That maybe this whole thing was okay. Just...okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Easy peasy pumpkin squeezy 
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> Pumpkin pie motherfucker
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> Why are you still here? Go read something else god


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